If I was working harder, better, more proactive, O could have let me be involved in organizing.
Everything all came down to the fact that I am just terrible at whatever I am doing.
- Sleep: nonexistence at this point, probably 4 hours/night if it is a good night.
- Skill and value: nonexistence, I feel I am very dumb, like I don’t know shit, why do they hire me?
- Relationship with people: none
The biggest problem is career and a sense of self-worth, I have fucking none. If it is not for my family, I think I am going down hill on the will to live, but it is super terrible attitude to view life this way, that is a lazy attitude.