Gloomy Saturday

Hmm, I woke up super tired, trying to remember what was my dream was but could not, it faded away so quickly … The problem with procrastination does not seem to get any better. I told myself having to day to focus on work, but already finding myself doing anything literally just to avoid it, thinking “Oh, I have a whole day, take it slow.” Shit! It is not! Your illusion is speaking out again. I seem to completely forgot about my mom, her suffering to make me into this stage. I keep looking at young people who are more successful and then talk shit about myself. Why can’t I just chase passion, put handwork, and fruit will come? I am sure that for that brilliant boy (Clay medal), he was just doing what he enjoyed, instead of worrying about how to make it here and there, finding all small tricks to get up in life in a completely abhorrent way like I do. Okay, keep beating myself is not a good idea. Also, I am so ****ing tired of toxic people. I know I am myself super toxic, but why do I have to endure their toxicity? Y called me again, with the same old threat, I am so so done with it.
“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” —Amelia Earhart