I am turning to the going down phase of my life. What have I accomplished this first half of my life? It feels like my life consists of all bull shits. I studied the not wise one, burnt out, then now facing being irrelevant in this job market. Changing job is also hard, financially desperate and cannot help my family. Why did I do this to myself? Hmm new year, what can I do to save myself? Probably I need to completely kill off the idea of someone is gonna come and save me, like a girlfriend. That is illusional. Sleep, this needs to be fixed. It is so bad. Gym, so bad. Momentum is gone. Shit, I need to stop hating myself.